Convoluted Chaos with a Dash of Serenity.

Why hello there readers! So, I’ve had a leave of absence, but remain assured! I have been writing my more or less biography still. According to WordPress, the following was drafted on the seventh day of this year. So here goes…

“Why, hello there you fine ladies and gentlemen.

How are you all? I do hope the answer is well. I’m a little confused at to what to call this post but we’ll see what I come up with by the end of it. So, I’m writing this at work. Before you deem me a lazy, unreliable sod, I’ve completed all of my tasks and some of my colleagues. There’s quite literally nothing to do until we get some more letters, or the doctor gives me a task to do. (I wish was I referring to the one from Doctor Who but sadly not. Alas, dreams will remain dreams- ooh, possible title.) Of course, you’re probably wondering why I don’t simply depart for my chambers (yes, I occasionally dub my bedroom as my chambers… Victorian girl here, you know.)

Aww, a small child is playing hide and seek with me; it’s rather cute. This line of work really can be rewarding sometimes.

Anyway, I can’t go home yet as there are still patients to send down to the doctor, but other than that, the only thing for me to do is converse with you/construct a monologue. I do have some rather enthralling tales to tell you all. Or maybe I don’t and I’m just so happy with my life everything seems enthralling to me. Maybe I’m in love. Who knows? Certainly not me. Perhaps one of you can enlighten me after reading this post. I might subconsciously include something of consequence.

My mind’s in a bit of a bedlam. It’s with all the mental revision I’m doing. Light independant reactions; Complex ions with their ligands; the calvin cycle; seral stages of succession; optical isomers; zwitter ions; aldehydes; organic molecules and their producuts (I shan’t go into the list though it’s in my head); algor mortis, rigor mortis (you’ve got to love a bit of latin) HIV; electropotential; rusting; oxidation numbers and a range of other biology and chemistry related things. I’m not too bothered about my history. I’ve completed my coursework, and though I admit it’s nowhere near enough to what I’m capable of, at least I have the basic points down. I can focus on the coursework for all of my subjects after my exams. In all honesty though, that’s only one part of the bedlam.”

I’d finished work and I was somewhat knackered. Sleep was very welcome that night.

Drafted: 13/01/2013

“Today was filled with quite a bit of contemplation. As the sun descended behind the visible skyline and the day drew to a close, as the curtains of night plunged the world into a star filled darkness, I sort of saw how fast time flies. These last few years have quite literally whizzed by; a Superman clock if you will. (Clark Kent Clock: there’s a tongue twister to keep me entertained for a few hours.)”

It did…

“Oh, look at that, it’s midnight already. (See what I mean about extra-terrestrial, cape wearing time? Though I’m sure that it must have been quicker for you than it was for me.)

I’ve lost my flow of thought and my mind feels sluggish, huzzah for me, I guess. I really should go to bed, but my mind, because it’s such a damn oxymoron, is brimming with sibilancy despite the sluggishness I feel. Ugh, so I’m just going to rant away until I am satisfied with my infuriating cognizance. I hope I manage to produce an engaging read too, that’d be a plus.

So, events and thoughts since the last time I posted. Well, the new year started off with a bang. Didn’t it for everyone? How could you miss all the fireworks and drunken revelling? Sleep was a blessing that night. My revision remained apathetic. I was partaking in the action, but it was somewhat robotic. The events of the holidays left me somewhat in shock for a week or so, and I just couldn’t decide how I felt about a particular event. Touched, indifferent, hopeful, accepting, I felt all of these through the course of the holidays. I shan’t elaborate because a) I’m an evil little witch and b) I’m unintentionally with intention tailoring my posts for various reasons: one of which is the fact that I don’t want this to turn into too much of a diary. I really should begin to compose one again, so that I can convey my feelings somewhere other than this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I do talk to my friends on occasion, but they just don’t understand why I feel the way I do. And I’ve gotten tired of explaining it over and over again. Surely my sense of loyalty is not that incomprehensible, is it? (Sob. Why oh why was I not born in an earlier century?!)

Exams have arrived and I’m hoping I did well in the Biology one I had this passing Friday. I’m going to be really rather embarrassed if I don’t do well in it. You see, I went into…”

No, I have no idea what I went to. I think I fear to find out. I’d fallen asleep, again. Note to readers, succumbing to the land of slumber in a more or less vertical position, is horrendous for your neck and back. Also terrible for the head when you choose to bang it into your laptop, thanks to the wonderous ways of gravity.

Drafted 16/01/13 This one’s a tad longer and full of turmoil. No, I have no idea what is wrong with me.

“I hope I’ve done well. I think I have but it’s a very loose think. I just don’t know. My attendance was ridiculous, so maybe I’ve failed everything. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to already have a job I guess. Ugh. Why can’t we have the results now? Why can’t I mark my own paper so that I can curse myself for my stupid mistakes, why, oh why, oh why? Other than that, my plan to remain antisocial has more or less crumbled into ash, and that ash has been scattered in the wind, to be found only upon chance. Chance is hardly ever in my favour.

I still have no reply from my UCAS application and as the weeks pass by, I am getting more and more nervous. Waiting is genuinely awful. Remind me never to put anyone through the agony of patience. The only reason patience is a bloody virtue is because the world is nought but a waiting game! The only thing we don’t have to wait for is perhaps our supply of oxygen (that doesn’t apply if you’re underwater by the way, in case anybody decides to take everything I write far too literally, – please don’t – you’ll be a waiting a long time for oxygen down there.)
In other news, I’ve been somewhat quite content these past few weeks, even the Christmas episode made me quite cheerful; I’d gotten my closure. (I’m pretty sure you all know what I’m talking about now, if you’ve been following my blog avidly, if you haven’t, go do that and experience the enlightenment the rest of my readers are! It will heal your soul, you know. Or mine. Whichever.)

I was happy, especially with all the snow! My love for snow is borderline ludicrous. I went out and jumped in it; my old soul wanted to be young again, but that didn’t last long as I had a Chemistry exam to prepare for. Darn it. I hope the snow persists until February. That would be AMAZING. Though I must admit, the octaves my voice surpasses in my excitement will probably enable me to communicate with bats. But SNOWWWWW. It’s so beautiful, picturesque, cold and soft. I love it!

Enough with the snowy sidetrack. (Snow and alliteration in one sentence, oh yes.)

Anywho, I feel like I’m starting to spiral down and I can’t pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me; the crux is unidentifiable. It’s getting rather irksome. Maybe I’m just being stupid. I only feel it for a moment before shrugging it off (I am content- I have no reason not to be), but it’s happening more frequently now. I think it may have something to do with the dilemnas of my friends.

When I care about a person, I get thoroughly involved. Their pain in unendurable for me, I have to find a way of getting rid of it or combust (I have a silly, masochistic way of thinking, I get that). But what do you do when two of your friends want opposite things? I don’t know how to help them and it is quite literally driving me to the brink of insanity. But it’s my own fault for getting so involved. Agh, why do I do this to myself? I’m such a sucker for sweet words towards me. It was the reason I got so attached to my ex-friend, damn it, he had a way with words. And I’m gullible enough to believe all of them, from him, from my other friends, from the cruellest of my family members who even had a hand in ruining my life once; I think some part of me craves for them to be the truth. Just once.
I mean, I did it again recently, two kind words from a person who hurt me deeply enough to change my way of thinking; one apology with a few heartfelt words, and I’ve jumped. I should know by now that it only leads to disappointment. But, but, that’s one of the things I’ve come to learn about myself, my utter lack of resistance to a few kind words. I’m okay with that, it’ll hurt occasionally but I’ll get over it. That isn’t what is bothering me now though.

I think after tomorrow I will be hunting down those ashes and finding a way to make an irreversible reaction, reversible. Monsieur Chatalier better be ready.”

I then tried yet again to finish it off, but I’m not very good at this as I’m sure you all must realise by now.

Drafted 18/02/13

“Results are within the month. (Please, someone kill me now and save me from that apocalyptic day… Am I dead yet? I hope that it is now my zombie conversing with you. This shall be interesting…) My attendance has increased, though I did end up getting a cold (snuffle, snuffle) and now all I have is coursework on my head. Earth, open up and swallow me, thanks.

Academia aside, my social life has blossomed far beyond the stage of a flower and into the fruit. (The butterfly analogy is far too blasé for this case.) No one is more shocked than I. I saw my best friend at the beginning of the year when she’d come back to our city for the holidays (that was quite a rebellious move, actually – a tale for another time!) As ever, it was lovely; whacked and clinically insane, but lovely. I also purchased more books that day! That too nonfiction! There was a sale, how could I possibly resist, pray tell? Do not condemn me so, bank balance!

The rest of the weeks entailed a cunning plan with a certain Fish and his Fishette (I do love my neologisms! I swear that I am normal, usually…) Neither parties knew of my scheming, cough, and things got a little, erm, interesting, there… long story short, I ended up standing on a toilet and using a cubicle wall to pull myself up, (this is why being my height is a curse) to stop myself from kicking down a door and thus further reducing my ever diminishing bank balance… Breathe. I’d never done so much exercise in my life and I shall probably never do as much again! They were driving me insane, something had to be done. Admittedly, things are a lot quieter now. Thank God for that. Silly people. What is it with us humans and having to make something that is actually quite simple, SO DAMN COMPLICATED? And, breathe. Honestly, I’ve spent an entire month screaming at people in my head, because they weren’t around for me to do it in person, I have a lot of scream pent up in my throat. I hope that it isn’t irritated by anyone, or the irritatee shall find themselves without their hearing for a while. [Insert manic grin here.]

In between all of this chaos I’ve spent a lot of time with Fluffy. I’m getting to know her more and more and she really is quite wonderful: highly perverted and crude just to irk me (it works very well), but wonderful. Why is there always a “but” whenever I am complimenting any of my comrades, I wonder?

I also, actually, really, truly, went out with my friends! (It’s a mind boggler, honest.) I graced a pub with my presence for the first time in my life… wearing a headscarf. Not many people who can say that one! (We’d planned originally to go to the cinema but only a few of us had booked tickets for the earlier showing. You don’t want to know what we did with the purchased tickets; we’re probably still being cursed.) I didn’t drink any alcohol, of course. Instead I was rather content with an iced coca-cola, which probably wasn’t very clever considering the fact that I’d already consumed an entire box of ice lollies earlier that day… Anyway, for those of you who have followed my blog from the onset, you’d probably be interested in knowing that we were accompanied by, well, the ex-friend. Dun, dun, dun.”

And that was about it for my attempts at drafting, so now, I’m going to go straight into it.

Results day arrived, and though I wasn’t over the moon, they’re salvageable and and two were exactly what I wanted and more than I needed to get into University. Speaking of University, I’ve received three acceptances so far, still waiting on two! I’ve also looked at a few different courses I could apply for during clearing should I fail everything. My future prospects and academic potential are looking sound either way!

As is rather clear from the above so called drafts, I’ve had a rather tumultuous three months when it comes to my emotions and my loved ones. You’ll be happy to know (yes, I’m assuming) that I am again quite content. The storm of emotions, etcetera has abated. More than anything I miss my best friend. I had a Skype conversation with her last night. We ended up comparing tongue sizes and I found out that pink lemonade is actually a thing. (I genuinely had no idea.) Plus, my birthday present may entail something debauched… I am genuinely frightened. But she’ll be coming back to the city soon so I am rather excited for that!

In other news, my mother will be headed of to Pakistan in two weeks and I am rather sad about that. I know I’ll miss her more than I should be allowed to. We’ll be living with our uncle, (he’s a strict Doctor-type and I do love him) which my younger sister is not really looking forward to, so that’ll be an interesting experience.

So! Me, the socialite! (Yes, I’d be choking in shock too.) I’ve genuinely been quite busy the last few weeks, meeting up with various friends (how am I finding these people, seriously?). One of whom was, yes, the ex-friend, (who will henceforth be known as… I’ll come up with something, Tortoise or Badger most likely.) Others included Fluffy and another two old acquaintances I’m rather glad have returned. Not to mention my birthday (Fluffy baked me my cake!), and the results day get together! (That, I must admit was somewhat amusing, as well as rather enlightening, cleansing and emotional… Golly!)

Anywho, I think that’s about caught you up, yes? Now, quotes, my wonderful quotes.

Well, recently, my love for the genius that is Patrick Rothfuss has rekindled, so I shall hunt him up!

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” ~ Patrick Rothfuss , The Name of the Wind.

Isn’t he wonderrful? And so right.

I bid thee adieu, readers! Hopefully, I shan’t take as long to monologue at you all again!

Until then!

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