End of an Era, Beginning of Me.

So, the year draws to a close, and my what a year it has been. I’ve spent most of the evening reminiscing over what has changed, and what never really changed at all. This year has probably been both the best and worst of my life, and if you knew what occurred, you’d understand that little (no pun on my height intended) juxtaposition right there. And because I’m a right little witch (pun intended), I shan’t elaborate for you tonight!

It’s so very strange. This time last year, I was chopping trees (my aunty wanted rid) and burning them, my own little new year bonfire. I even added memories I wanted destroyed to the pyre; finally moving on from a disappointing span of my life. – sneaky, I know. Once I was finished with my rather enjoyable act of arson, I took to drinking as much coca-cola as I could (because I’m such a good Muslim, didn’t you know?) and watching the New Year celebrations in London on BBC one, looking out for my best friend who I knew was a part of the festivities. I remember that as I watched the fireworks paint the sky and Big Ben chime the entrance of 2012, I closed my eyes and thought over 2011, saying in my head “Okay then, bring on 2012. Let’s see what you have to offer.” (I’m certifiable, yes, it’s true.) Little did I know exactly what it would bring.

It brought change, real change, like no other new year had. Change in my surroundings, change in my friends, change in the types of people I knew, change in where I lived, change in the dynamics of my relationships and most of all, change in myself. So much change in myself. A change, that in the last month or so has finally begun to seal and become concrete. I’ve spent so long, so very very long in trying to find myself, who I am, what personality I fit into. I’m only 18 and yet I feel like I’ve lived a lot longer that. Then, in reaction to that emotion, I feel selfish, so very naive and misinformed. I’d spent this entire year full of turmoil and despair for absolutely stupid reasons when drawn into comparison with real, true suffering. I don’t know what pain, disappointment is. Exactly how much of life have I seen? Not enough to pounce on and cling to the conclusions that I had during 2012. But it all stemmed from the fact that I didn’t know who I was, and what to do with myself. Which path to take.

So, slight tangent. I sent a generic text to all of my contacts wishing them a happy new year about some five minutes ago, of whom one of which replied referring to me as “babe.” [Inset an ample amount of shuddering here, please.]

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was with Fluffy, and commented on how different she was from the rest of my friends. When I stopped to contemplate that a little with her, I realised that not one of my close friends were similar to the other; some were even polar opposites! Me in the middle? I was the “different of the different” (her words) and it was the first piece of my character that hit me. After that, more things fell into place. I still don’t really know who I am, I don’t really think anyone ever really does, but I’ve more clues now than I ever did before. (I didn’t have any clue at the beginning of 2012, so yes, it’s a lot more than I had.) I know which path to take, and now, I know the core elements that make up my character. I’ve always known my flaws, but some of my positive attributes now join that part of my cognizance. I must remark, like the pompous twat I am (see, the insight is clear!): it’s a damn good feeling.

Sister S played Elvis Presley so I went off on a little dance. If I’ve lost the flow of my post, that’s why. Just to clear that up.

My new years resolutions are minimal. First: I am going to be content with my life. (Because according to the Daily Post, I only have three months of it left. Death by Comet. How rather awesome. I watched a documentary on it, it was really rather interesting, if a tad apocalyptic.) Second: I shall read more. I’m going to live a thousand lives before I die, why should I only live my own? And third: No more plans, no more resolutions. I’m going to let the chips fall where they may and hope my deity is watching over.

So 2012, I thank you for that magic carpet of a ride. (Honestly, that’s more apt than a rollercoaster; magic carpets don’t have seatbelts.) Please may I have a calmer, less exhilarating 2013? Oh wait, (hopefully) I’ll be embarking on my life as a University student, finally having reached the destination of that very long horse-drawn carriage trip. Calm? I think not.

Oooh, I hear fireworks. Have a great 2013 readers! I’m genuinely quite content with my life, happy actually, and I hope the same can be said for you.

THREE… TWO… ONE. It’s officially 2013, and I have shivers.

Oh, and to you, dear reader, whom I’m deliberating on whether to send a more personal text to or not, I hope 2013 treats you even better than this last (is the short version of said text). Truly, I do. And I’m sorry in advance if I decide to text. Who knows, I may get some guts. It may also be my first official mistake of 2013. Hurrah for that. Anywho, no more secret messaging. (I’m stupid readers, I’m sorry. Just keep drinking and ignore me.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Have a spectacular one, and do continue reading my blog, thank you.

Live long and prosper readers. I’m off to drink some more coke.

Love and wishes, Suman (and Spock.) x

“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ James Agate. Come on 2013. Bring it on. I’m ready.


Tailoring the Tapestry.

Hello there readers. My, what a week!

First, there appears to be a bug going around, (do you hear that buzzing? That’s that darned bug again. Seems to enjoy appearing during the winter months, right? Cursed thing) and with my luck, I’ve caught it. Hurrah! Not. This is my final year at college. I have to work if I am to have even a meagre chance of getting into Universities and finally embarking on my own life. (Like I haven’t been doing that since birth, but you all know what I mean. I hope. Because if you don’t, I won’t be the best at explaining it. I never am. Oopsie…)

Other than random bouts of when I’ve felt somewhat sane (ha!) and healthier, I’ve pretty much been stuck in bed. Last Thursday and yesterday were the only exceptions, pity that I didn’t really have lessons then. Though, in my defense, I have been to classes this week, collecting work and staying in for as long as I could. (Albeit not very long at all.)

My younger sister (Sister S) has just come in with appealing food. None for me. Caring siblings, huh?

So. Last thursday. Golly, what a day! I practically spent the entire time with my best friend who has come home from University for Reading week (I’m curious as to how many of these students actually do the “reading” part and exactly how much it is they read. My guess is minimal. For both.) I had a good time! She arrived earlier than me, and as she sat at the water fountain we were scheduled to meet at, I was overwhelmed with the sudden urge to cry. Tears actually did spill: I’d missed her ever so much. She means so much to me, she always has and no matter where life takes us, she always will.

We started off with Starbucks, (as ever. Actually, we were greeted with this apocalyptic poster first. Not the best start!).

(Say it isn’t so! My life is officially over. In the metaphorical sense. How depressing.)

Anywho, once we overcame that little obstacle, (honestly, I’m insulting it with calling it a “little” obstacle, this one was our signature Starbucks! I have so many memories with it. My first Starbucks experience, my first date, my 18th birthday venue… destroyed. [Insert morose expression here.]) we settled ourselves in our reserve Starbucks located right in the middle of the city centre. A minor consolation.

I started off with having a go at her, (yes, I’m a bad friend. But it was in retaliation to her that I posted “Shattered Glass.” and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, shame on you! Please, grace me with a read! -Actually, don’t. It’s not exactly a pleasant post; very emotional and negative) she complied, apologised and then we were back to chatting away, relaying various anecdotes (hence “tailoring the tapestry”). When it came to leaving, to say we weren’t inclined to go is putting it lightly. She took me shopping as a way of passing the time without me noticing, just so that we could have those few seconds longer. But, finally, a stroke of luck, I was allowed to stay out longer! We were both so happy, we elicited quite a few wary looks thanks to our grins(At least, I noticed. I don’t think she did. She was too busy noticing the sales. God forbid shopping with that woman, gah! This Christmas, she’s on her own!) We ended up jumping on a random bus too, short of anything else to do. (That rhymed. My hidden talents as a poet are resurfacing at last!) We engaged in a little bit of serious conversation during that interval, which is always nice. Eventually, she really did have to go and that was the end to a beautiful day. Remembering makes miss her just that much more. Sigh.

Cue the bug’s raging control over my immune system, practically the whole week feeling dizzy and being overcome with vertigo. Not fond memories, that’s for sure. If anyone’s curious, it involved a lot of coughing and stomach churning. (Hey, you were the one who was curious, I merely sated that curiosity. [Wink.])

That was, until yesterday, when I graced Starbucks with my presence yet again. (Isn’t Starbucks oh so lucky?) I spent the morning attending my history lesson, (Tudors for the win!) and spending a pleasant time in the company of a close comrade. That friendship is definitely blooming, she’s a wonderful person, always capable of leaving me with an aching abdomen after all the laughter she induces. If we’re being specific, I bought her a drink once, which technically means that we’ve been on a date. (That acknowledgement certainly inspired a strong stint of flirtatious comments. Good gosh, I do love her!  [That will probably bring about more dalliance.] It’s nice having friends like this, you should all try it some time.) I had a hot chocolate, which, probably wasn’t the best idea bearing in mind that accursed bug I’ve been infected with. (Bzzz, bzzz.) But I managed to hold the beverage down for our enjoyable rendez-vous.

Next was a shopping spree with my mother and sister A. Her birthday is coming up and I bought her a jumper she wanted. None the less, that confounded bug cut that trip short. I fell ill, and my mother who was also tired, took me home where I spent the rest of the day, you’ve got it, resting.

I went into college today for a lesson, photocopied some notes, and now I’m back to my humble bed spreading the germs everywhere. (Ironic really, that currently in Biology, we’re studying ‘Pathogens and Disease’. Wonderful timing wouldn’t you say?)

That’s about it readers. Until next time.

P.S My last few posts (three to be exact) have been without quotes for various reasons. To make up for that, here are four quotes. Three as consolation and one for this post. I’ll even add a quirky comment for your amusement. (Assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that I do amuse you all.)

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ~ Albert Einstein. (Kept me laughing for a while. I do love Einstein! Human stupidity really is a conundrum. We’re ruled by our ignorance. Sigh.)

“It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.” ~ Charlotte Bronte. (Jane Eyre, one of my all time favourites. This quotes is so correct it’s almost mind boggling. We’re unable to endure boredom.)

“An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde. (Need I comment? Oscar Wilde is a god. A god I tell you. [If I get hit by a bolt of lightening, you all know why. Hopefully God will know I mean it metaphorically…])

“Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” ~ Lewis Carrol. (Authors always have the best life lessons! Reading is educational in more ways than one, that’s for sure!)

Farewell, au revoir and of course, adieu my friends. Until then!