The Enuii of June.

I started typing this throughout June and never got to the end of it, so here goes…

“Why hello there, dearest readers. I hope you are all well and that the world has treated you with kindness.

So, I’ve been absent of late, but it’s mostly to do with the fact that I’ve become very quiet in general. I have nothing to say to anyone. Well, I don’t know. I seem to have a lot to say when I’m alone, it’s just when I’m with anyone in person, everything I planned to say combusts into dust, which scatters in the wind. I just never get the chance to say it, our conversations are too enthralling and I forget about everything I was going to say. And I don’t have any interesting contributions to give. Maybe I’ve simply become more of a listener. I spend too much of my time talking otherwise.

I’m feeling a little lost. Exams have come again and I’m fretting. This is my last chance to prove myself to everyone who doubts me, but the amount of energy it requires is feeling like too much. I’m trying to revise, it just isn’t working, nothing sticks and my thoughts are scattering. Like the paint that sprays in the air when someone flicks the brush. That someone is a watered down version of despair. I simply feel very alone. I have four people I consider my closest friends: there is of course, the best friend. I’ve known her for seven years, and yes, our friendship has been through some fluctuations, but it’s still rather concrete. I’m finally comfortable with her; I can tell her things without the fear that she will sever our friendship. We can go months without speaking to one another, but when we do it’s like there was no distance at all. I feel the same about Fluffy, though I’ve known her for a lot less and been close to her for even less than that (I think it’s only just coming to a year). There is something very real about her that simply feels refreshing. I miss and think of her regularly; when we’re together, I don’t want to leave. I will grow old with her one day, definitely, and we will live happily ever after. So very quickly, she has equalled the best friend, she really does make me happy. I never fail to laugh when in her presence. Tortoise I’ve gotten close to again. No matter how hard I tried to keep my distance, my care and worry was just too great. And then he did me the honour of trusting me, stating that I was one of the few he considered true friends. How was I supposed to refrain from reciprocating that trust, that friendship? I couldn’t and I cannot.  Not to mention the fact that he is also rather honest and his manners are such that he makes me think of times long lost; another who makes me happy. Zelda is very good at grounding me and I turn to her when I start to lose my way. She is another one whose view of the world is a wake up call, she reminds me of what is important. Though we hardly talk, I know that I can trust her opinion.

I love these people, every single one in different ways, (and yet ultimately the same way) but there are times where I wonder whether they can ever truly know me. Maybe I’m just a convenience; someone there when no one else is. The last option. I feel rather replaceable and disposable of late. I mean, it was easy for Miss Equine.

I think that might be the crux of my problem. It’s nothing they’ve done, more my own internal struggles, and, well, experiences. I simply cannot fathom how someone can just stop caring. It’s beyond me. All that time and energy into one person for it all to mean nothing? How? How does a person do that? How did the woman who supported me through a low time, and had that help reciprocated, do that exactly?”

As you can see, I was full of melancholy and turmoil. I think, drama with Miss Equine aside, exams were getting to me too (they’re done and dusted now, one month to go!) and my mother didn’t help matters, (she was starting to sink into depression and I had to help her). I was feeling sepulchral inside, but I tried to remain vibrant and uplifting. (Misery does get boring, honestly, I’d had my fair share last year and I’m trying to get to the point where I’m more or less done with it.) Plus, I didn’t really want to inflict that on anyone else. However, that’s all done and dusted now! I’m rather ecstatic of late, and I no longer feel so disposable for any of the above. I revere each of them and I shall tell all in the next post!

Until then!

“A book holds a house of gold.” ~ Chinese Proverb.

Advertisements

Convoluted Chaos with a Dash of Serenity.

Why hello there readers! So, I’ve had a leave of absence, but remain assured! I have been writing my more or less biography still. According to WordPress, the following was drafted on the seventh day of this year. So here goes…

“Why, hello there you fine ladies and gentlemen.

How are you all? I do hope the answer is well. I’m a little confused at to what to call this post but we’ll see what I come up with by the end of it. So, I’m writing this at work. Before you deem me a lazy, unreliable sod, I’ve completed all of my tasks and some of my colleagues. There’s quite literally nothing to do until we get some more letters, or the doctor gives me a task to do. (I wish was I referring to the one from Doctor Who but sadly not. Alas, dreams will remain dreams- ooh, possible title.) Of course, you’re probably wondering why I don’t simply depart for my chambers (yes, I occasionally dub my bedroom as my chambers… Victorian girl here, you know.)

Aww, a small child is playing hide and seek with me; it’s rather cute. This line of work really can be rewarding sometimes.

Anyway, I can’t go home yet as there are still patients to send down to the doctor, but other than that, the only thing for me to do is converse with you/construct a monologue. I do have some rather enthralling tales to tell you all. Or maybe I don’t and I’m just so happy with my life everything seems enthralling to me. Maybe I’m in love. Who knows? Certainly not me. Perhaps one of you can enlighten me after reading this post. I might subconsciously include something of consequence.

My mind’s in a bit of a bedlam. It’s with all the mental revision I’m doing. Light independant reactions; Complex ions with their ligands; the calvin cycle; seral stages of succession; optical isomers; zwitter ions; aldehydes; organic molecules and their producuts (I shan’t go into the list though it’s in my head); algor mortis, rigor mortis (you’ve got to love a bit of latin) HIV; electropotential; rusting; oxidation numbers and a range of other biology and chemistry related things. I’m not too bothered about my history. I’ve completed my coursework, and though I admit it’s nowhere near enough to what I’m capable of, at least I have the basic points down. I can focus on the coursework for all of my subjects after my exams. In all honesty though, that’s only one part of the bedlam.”

I’d finished work and I was somewhat knackered. Sleep was very welcome that night.

Drafted: 13/01/2013

“Today was filled with quite a bit of contemplation. As the sun descended behind the visible skyline and the day drew to a close, as the curtains of night plunged the world into a star filled darkness, I sort of saw how fast time flies. These last few years have quite literally whizzed by; a Superman clock if you will. (Clark Kent Clock: there’s a tongue twister to keep me entertained for a few hours.)”

It did…

“Oh, look at that, it’s midnight already. (See what I mean about extra-terrestrial, cape wearing time? Though I’m sure that it must have been quicker for you than it was for me.)

I’ve lost my flow of thought and my mind feels sluggish, huzzah for me, I guess. I really should go to bed, but my mind, because it’s such a damn oxymoron, is brimming with sibilancy despite the sluggishness I feel. Ugh, so I’m just going to rant away until I am satisfied with my infuriating cognizance. I hope I manage to produce an engaging read too, that’d be a plus.

So, events and thoughts since the last time I posted. Well, the new year started off with a bang. Didn’t it for everyone? How could you miss all the fireworks and drunken revelling? Sleep was a blessing that night. My revision remained apathetic. I was partaking in the action, but it was somewhat robotic. The events of the holidays left me somewhat in shock for a week or so, and I just couldn’t decide how I felt about a particular event. Touched, indifferent, hopeful, accepting, I felt all of these through the course of the holidays. I shan’t elaborate because a) I’m an evil little witch and b) I’m unintentionally with intention tailoring my posts for various reasons: one of which is the fact that I don’t want this to turn into too much of a diary. I really should begin to compose one again, so that I can convey my feelings somewhere other than this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I do talk to my friends on occasion, but they just don’t understand why I feel the way I do. And I’ve gotten tired of explaining it over and over again. Surely my sense of loyalty is not that incomprehensible, is it? (Sob. Why oh why was I not born in an earlier century?!)

Exams have arrived and I’m hoping I did well in the Biology one I had this passing Friday. I’m going to be really rather embarrassed if I don’t do well in it. You see, I went into…”

No, I have no idea what I went to. I think I fear to find out. I’d fallen asleep, again. Note to readers, succumbing to the land of slumber in a more or less vertical position, is horrendous for your neck and back. Also terrible for the head when you choose to bang it into your laptop, thanks to the wonderous ways of gravity.

Drafted 16/01/13 This one’s a tad longer and full of turmoil. No, I have no idea what is wrong with me.

“I hope I’ve done well. I think I have but it’s a very loose think. I just don’t know. My attendance was ridiculous, so maybe I’ve failed everything. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to already have a job I guess. Ugh. Why can’t we have the results now? Why can’t I mark my own paper so that I can curse myself for my stupid mistakes, why, oh why, oh why? Other than that, my plan to remain antisocial has more or less crumbled into ash, and that ash has been scattered in the wind, to be found only upon chance. Chance is hardly ever in my favour.

I still have no reply from my UCAS application and as the weeks pass by, I am getting more and more nervous. Waiting is genuinely awful. Remind me never to put anyone through the agony of patience. The only reason patience is a bloody virtue is because the world is nought but a waiting game! The only thing we don’t have to wait for is perhaps our supply of oxygen (that doesn’t apply if you’re underwater by the way, in case anybody decides to take everything I write far too literally, – please don’t – you’ll be a waiting a long time for oxygen down there.)
In other news, I’ve been somewhat quite content these past few weeks, even the Christmas episode made me quite cheerful; I’d gotten my closure. (I’m pretty sure you all know what I’m talking about now, if you’ve been following my blog avidly, if you haven’t, go do that and experience the enlightenment the rest of my readers are! It will heal your soul, you know. Or mine. Whichever.)

I was happy, especially with all the snow! My love for snow is borderline ludicrous. I went out and jumped in it; my old soul wanted to be young again, but that didn’t last long as I had a Chemistry exam to prepare for. Darn it. I hope the snow persists until February. That would be AMAZING. Though I must admit, the octaves my voice surpasses in my excitement will probably enable me to communicate with bats. But SNOWWWWW. It’s so beautiful, picturesque, cold and soft. I love it!

Enough with the snowy sidetrack. (Snow and alliteration in one sentence, oh yes.)

Anywho, I feel like I’m starting to spiral down and I can’t pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me; the crux is unidentifiable. It’s getting rather irksome. Maybe I’m just being stupid. I only feel it for a moment before shrugging it off (I am content- I have no reason not to be), but it’s happening more frequently now. I think it may have something to do with the dilemnas of my friends.

When I care about a person, I get thoroughly involved. Their pain in unendurable for me, I have to find a way of getting rid of it or combust (I have a silly, masochistic way of thinking, I get that). But what do you do when two of your friends want opposite things? I don’t know how to help them and it is quite literally driving me to the brink of insanity. But it’s my own fault for getting so involved. Agh, why do I do this to myself? I’m such a sucker for sweet words towards me. It was the reason I got so attached to my ex-friend, damn it, he had a way with words. And I’m gullible enough to believe all of them, from him, from my other friends, from the cruellest of my family members who even had a hand in ruining my life once; I think some part of me craves for them to be the truth. Just once.
I mean, I did it again recently, two kind words from a person who hurt me deeply enough to change my way of thinking; one apology with a few heartfelt words, and I’ve jumped. I should know by now that it only leads to disappointment. But, but, that’s one of the things I’ve come to learn about myself, my utter lack of resistance to a few kind words. I’m okay with that, it’ll hurt occasionally but I’ll get over it. That isn’t what is bothering me now though.

I think after tomorrow I will be hunting down those ashes and finding a way to make an irreversible reaction, reversible. Monsieur Chatalier better be ready.”

I then tried yet again to finish it off, but I’m not very good at this as I’m sure you all must realise by now.

Drafted 18/02/13

“Results are within the month. (Please, someone kill me now and save me from that apocalyptic day… Am I dead yet? I hope that it is now my zombie conversing with you. This shall be interesting…) My attendance has increased, though I did end up getting a cold (snuffle, snuffle) and now all I have is coursework on my head. Earth, open up and swallow me, thanks.

Academia aside, my social life has blossomed far beyond the stage of a flower and into the fruit. (The butterfly analogy is far too blasé for this case.) No one is more shocked than I. I saw my best friend at the beginning of the year when she’d come back to our city for the holidays (that was quite a rebellious move, actually – a tale for another time!) As ever, it was lovely; whacked and clinically insane, but lovely. I also purchased more books that day! That too nonfiction! There was a sale, how could I possibly resist, pray tell? Do not condemn me so, bank balance!

The rest of the weeks entailed a cunning plan with a certain Fish and his Fishette (I do love my neologisms! I swear that I am normal, usually…) Neither parties knew of my scheming, cough, and things got a little, erm, interesting, there… long story short, I ended up standing on a toilet and using a cubicle wall to pull myself up, (this is why being my height is a curse) to stop myself from kicking down a door and thus further reducing my ever diminishing bank balance… Breathe. I’d never done so much exercise in my life and I shall probably never do as much again! They were driving me insane, something had to be done. Admittedly, things are a lot quieter now. Thank God for that. Silly people. What is it with us humans and having to make something that is actually quite simple, SO DAMN COMPLICATED? And, breathe. Honestly, I’ve spent an entire month screaming at people in my head, because they weren’t around for me to do it in person, I have a lot of scream pent up in my throat. I hope that it isn’t irritated by anyone, or the irritatee shall find themselves without their hearing for a while. [Insert manic grin here.]

In between all of this chaos I’ve spent a lot of time with Fluffy. I’m getting to know her more and more and she really is quite wonderful: highly perverted and crude just to irk me (it works very well), but wonderful. Why is there always a “but” whenever I am complimenting any of my comrades, I wonder?

I also, actually, really, truly, went out with my friends! (It’s a mind boggler, honest.) I graced a pub with my presence for the first time in my life… wearing a headscarf. Not many people who can say that one! (We’d planned originally to go to the cinema but only a few of us had booked tickets for the earlier showing. You don’t want to know what we did with the purchased tickets; we’re probably still being cursed.) I didn’t drink any alcohol, of course. Instead I was rather content with an iced coca-cola, which probably wasn’t very clever considering the fact that I’d already consumed an entire box of ice lollies earlier that day… Anyway, for those of you who have followed my blog from the onset, you’d probably be interested in knowing that we were accompanied by, well, the ex-friend. Dun, dun, dun.”

And that was about it for my attempts at drafting, so now, I’m going to go straight into it.

Results day arrived, and though I wasn’t over the moon, they’re salvageable and and two were exactly what I wanted and more than I needed to get into University. Speaking of University, I’ve received three acceptances so far, still waiting on two! I’ve also looked at a few different courses I could apply for during clearing should I fail everything. My future prospects and academic potential are looking sound either way!

As is rather clear from the above so called drafts, I’ve had a rather tumultuous three months when it comes to my emotions and my loved ones. You’ll be happy to know (yes, I’m assuming) that I am again quite content. The storm of emotions, etcetera has abated. More than anything I miss my best friend. I had a Skype conversation with her last night. We ended up comparing tongue sizes and I found out that pink lemonade is actually a thing. (I genuinely had no idea.) Plus, my birthday present may entail something debauched… I am genuinely frightened. But she’ll be coming back to the city soon so I am rather excited for that!

In other news, my mother will be headed of to Pakistan in two weeks and I am rather sad about that. I know I’ll miss her more than I should be allowed to. We’ll be living with our uncle, (he’s a strict Doctor-type and I do love him) which my younger sister is not really looking forward to, so that’ll be an interesting experience.

So! Me, the socialite! (Yes, I’d be choking in shock too.) I’ve genuinely been quite busy the last few weeks, meeting up with various friends (how am I finding these people, seriously?). One of whom was, yes, the ex-friend, (who will henceforth be known as… I’ll come up with something, Tortoise or Badger most likely.) Others included Fluffy and another two old acquaintances I’m rather glad have returned. Not to mention my birthday (Fluffy baked me my cake!), and the results day get together! (That, I must admit was somewhat amusing, as well as rather enlightening, cleansing and emotional… Golly!)

Anywho, I think that’s about caught you up, yes? Now, quotes, my wonderful quotes.

Well, recently, my love for the genius that is Patrick Rothfuss has rekindled, so I shall hunt him up!

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” ~ Patrick Rothfuss , The Name of the Wind.

Isn’t he wonderrful? And so right.

I bid thee adieu, readers! Hopefully, I shan’t take as long to monologue at you all again!

Until then!

End of an Era, Beginning of Me.

So, the year draws to a close, and my what a year it has been. I’ve spent most of the evening reminiscing over what has changed, and what never really changed at all. This year has probably been both the best and worst of my life, and if you knew what occurred, you’d understand that little (no pun on my height intended) juxtaposition right there. And because I’m a right little witch (pun intended), I shan’t elaborate for you tonight!

It’s so very strange. This time last year, I was chopping trees (my aunty wanted rid) and burning them, my own little new year bonfire. I even added memories I wanted destroyed to the pyre; finally moving on from a disappointing span of my life. – sneaky, I know. Once I was finished with my rather enjoyable act of arson, I took to drinking as much coca-cola as I could (because I’m such a good Muslim, didn’t you know?) and watching the New Year celebrations in London on BBC one, looking out for my best friend who I knew was a part of the festivities. I remember that as I watched the fireworks paint the sky and Big Ben chime the entrance of 2012, I closed my eyes and thought over 2011, saying in my head “Okay then, bring on 2012. Let’s see what you have to offer.” (I’m certifiable, yes, it’s true.) Little did I know exactly what it would bring.

It brought change, real change, like no other new year had. Change in my surroundings, change in my friends, change in the types of people I knew, change in where I lived, change in the dynamics of my relationships and most of all, change in myself. So much change in myself. A change, that in the last month or so has finally begun to seal and become concrete. I’ve spent so long, so very very long in trying to find myself, who I am, what personality I fit into. I’m only 18 and yet I feel like I’ve lived a lot longer that. Then, in reaction to that emotion, I feel selfish, so very naive and misinformed. I’d spent this entire year full of turmoil and despair for absolutely stupid reasons when drawn into comparison with real, true suffering. I don’t know what pain, disappointment is. Exactly how much of life have I seen? Not enough to pounce on and cling to the conclusions that I had during 2012. But it all stemmed from the fact that I didn’t know who I was, and what to do with myself. Which path to take.

So, slight tangent. I sent a generic text to all of my contacts wishing them a happy new year about some five minutes ago, of whom one of which replied referring to me as “babe.” [Inset an ample amount of shuddering here, please.]

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was with Fluffy, and commented on how different she was from the rest of my friends. When I stopped to contemplate that a little with her, I realised that not one of my close friends were similar to the other; some were even polar opposites! Me in the middle? I was the “different of the different” (her words) and it was the first piece of my character that hit me. After that, more things fell into place. I still don’t really know who I am, I don’t really think anyone ever really does, but I’ve more clues now than I ever did before. (I didn’t have any clue at the beginning of 2012, so yes, it’s a lot more than I had.) I know which path to take, and now, I know the core elements that make up my character. I’ve always known my flaws, but some of my positive attributes now join that part of my cognizance. I must remark, like the pompous twat I am (see, the insight is clear!): it’s a damn good feeling.

Sister S played Elvis Presley so I went off on a little dance. If I’ve lost the flow of my post, that’s why. Just to clear that up.

My new years resolutions are minimal. First: I am going to be content with my life. (Because according to the Daily Post, I only have three months of it left. Death by Comet. How rather awesome. I watched a documentary on it, it was really rather interesting, if a tad apocalyptic.) Second: I shall read more. I’m going to live a thousand lives before I die, why should I only live my own? And third: No more plans, no more resolutions. I’m going to let the chips fall where they may and hope my deity is watching over.

So 2012, I thank you for that magic carpet of a ride. (Honestly, that’s more apt than a rollercoaster; magic carpets don’t have seatbelts.) Please may I have a calmer, less exhilarating 2013? Oh wait, (hopefully) I’ll be embarking on my life as a University student, finally having reached the destination of that very long horse-drawn carriage trip. Calm? I think not.

Oooh, I hear fireworks. Have a great 2013 readers! I’m genuinely quite content with my life, happy actually, and I hope the same can be said for you.

THREE… TWO… ONE. It’s officially 2013, and I have shivers.

Oh, and to you, dear reader, whom I’m deliberating on whether to send a more personal text to or not, I hope 2013 treats you even better than this last (is the short version of said text). Truly, I do. And I’m sorry in advance if I decide to text. Who knows, I may get some guts. It may also be my first official mistake of 2013. Hurrah for that. Anywho, no more secret messaging. (I’m stupid readers, I’m sorry. Just keep drinking and ignore me.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Have a spectacular one, and do continue reading my blog, thank you.

Live long and prosper readers. I’m off to drink some more coke.

Love and wishes, Suman (and Spock.) x

“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ James Agate. Come on 2013. Bring it on. I’m ready.

Tailoring the Tapestry.

Hello there readers. My, what a week!

First, there appears to be a bug going around, (do you hear that buzzing? That’s that darned bug again. Seems to enjoy appearing during the winter months, right? Cursed thing) and with my luck, I’ve caught it. Hurrah! Not. This is my final year at college. I have to work if I am to have even a meagre chance of getting into Universities and finally embarking on my own life. (Like I haven’t been doing that since birth, but you all know what I mean. I hope. Because if you don’t, I won’t be the best at explaining it. I never am. Oopsie…)

Other than random bouts of when I’ve felt somewhat sane (ha!) and healthier, I’ve pretty much been stuck in bed. Last Thursday and yesterday were the only exceptions, pity that I didn’t really have lessons then. Though, in my defense, I have been to classes this week, collecting work and staying in for as long as I could. (Albeit not very long at all.)

My younger sister (Sister S) has just come in with appealing food. None for me. Caring siblings, huh?

So. Last thursday. Golly, what a day! I practically spent the entire time with my best friend who has come home from University for Reading week (I’m curious as to how many of these students actually do the “reading” part and exactly how much it is they read. My guess is minimal. For both.) I had a good time! She arrived earlier than me, and as she sat at the water fountain we were scheduled to meet at, I was overwhelmed with the sudden urge to cry. Tears actually did spill: I’d missed her ever so much. She means so much to me, she always has and no matter where life takes us, she always will.

We started off with Starbucks, (as ever. Actually, we were greeted with this apocalyptic poster first. Not the best start!).

(Say it isn’t so! My life is officially over. In the metaphorical sense. How depressing.)

Anywho, once we overcame that little obstacle, (honestly, I’m insulting it with calling it a “little” obstacle, this one was our signature Starbucks! I have so many memories with it. My first Starbucks experience, my first date, my 18th birthday venue… destroyed. [Insert morose expression here.]) we settled ourselves in our reserve Starbucks located right in the middle of the city centre. A minor consolation.

I started off with having a go at her, (yes, I’m a bad friend. But it was in retaliation to her that I posted “Shattered Glass.” and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, shame on you! Please, grace me with a read! -Actually, don’t. It’s not exactly a pleasant post; very emotional and negative) she complied, apologised and then we were back to chatting away, relaying various anecdotes (hence “tailoring the tapestry”). When it came to leaving, to say we weren’t inclined to go is putting it lightly. She took me shopping as a way of passing the time without me noticing, just so that we could have those few seconds longer. But, finally, a stroke of luck, I was allowed to stay out longer! We were both so happy, we elicited quite a few wary looks thanks to our grins(At least, I noticed. I don’t think she did. She was too busy noticing the sales. God forbid shopping with that woman, gah! This Christmas, she’s on her own!) We ended up jumping on a random bus too, short of anything else to do. (That rhymed. My hidden talents as a poet are resurfacing at last!) We engaged in a little bit of serious conversation during that interval, which is always nice. Eventually, she really did have to go and that was the end to a beautiful day. Remembering makes miss her just that much more. Sigh.

Cue the bug’s raging control over my immune system, practically the whole week feeling dizzy and being overcome with vertigo. Not fond memories, that’s for sure. If anyone’s curious, it involved a lot of coughing and stomach churning. (Hey, you were the one who was curious, I merely sated that curiosity. [Wink.])

That was, until yesterday, when I graced Starbucks with my presence yet again. (Isn’t Starbucks oh so lucky?) I spent the morning attending my history lesson, (Tudors for the win!) and spending a pleasant time in the company of a close comrade. That friendship is definitely blooming, she’s a wonderful person, always capable of leaving me with an aching abdomen after all the laughter she induces. If we’re being specific, I bought her a drink once, which technically means that we’ve been on a date. (That acknowledgement certainly inspired a strong stint of flirtatious comments. Good gosh, I do love her!  [That will probably bring about more dalliance.] It’s nice having friends like this, you should all try it some time.) I had a hot chocolate, which, probably wasn’t the best idea bearing in mind that accursed bug I’ve been infected with. (Bzzz, bzzz.) But I managed to hold the beverage down for our enjoyable rendez-vous.

Next was a shopping spree with my mother and sister A. Her birthday is coming up and I bought her a jumper she wanted. None the less, that confounded bug cut that trip short. I fell ill, and my mother who was also tired, took me home where I spent the rest of the day, you’ve got it, resting.

I went into college today for a lesson, photocopied some notes, and now I’m back to my humble bed spreading the germs everywhere. (Ironic really, that currently in Biology, we’re studying ‘Pathogens and Disease’. Wonderful timing wouldn’t you say?)

That’s about it readers. Until next time.

P.S My last few posts (three to be exact) have been without quotes for various reasons. To make up for that, here are four quotes. Three as consolation and one for this post. I’ll even add a quirky comment for your amusement. (Assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that I do amuse you all.)

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ~ Albert Einstein. (Kept me laughing for a while. I do love Einstein! Human stupidity really is a conundrum. We’re ruled by our ignorance. Sigh.)

“It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.” ~ Charlotte Bronte. (Jane Eyre, one of my all time favourites. This quotes is so correct it’s almost mind boggling. We’re unable to endure boredom.)

“An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde. (Need I comment? Oscar Wilde is a god. A god I tell you. [If I get hit by a bolt of lightening, you all know why. Hopefully God will know I mean it metaphorically…])

“Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” ~ Lewis Carrol. (Authors always have the best life lessons! Reading is educational in more ways than one, that’s for sure!)

Farewell, au revoir and of course, adieu my friends. Until then!

 

Costly Farewells.

Blogging isn’t very healthy. Why you ask? (If you didn’t ask, you should have. Curiosity kills the cat and you’re not one, smarty.) Because all day I’ve thought of witty things to post, none of which you’ll see here as they are lost in the jungle of my memory. Having a chaotic mind isn’t exactly an advantage. Sigh.

Oh golly, Sister S has changed the channel to that silly Derren Brown thing. Adrenaline old friend, we meet again. Oh God there’s a creepy looking automaton on the screen. Adrenaline, meet Nightmares. You’ll be well acquainted by the end of this. Sister S, I hate you. Oh and look at that, the live show was hosted in my City. And he’s only wearing one shoe. Speaking of shoes, mine are damaging my feet. A day in the life of a midget. (I don’t know why I bother actually, heels or no heels, I’m still shorter than everybody.)

So, erm, I have a confession to make. I’ve repeated last week. I really, really hope I don’t make a pattern of this, but I missed my history lesson again, and I don’t even have poor punctuality as an excuse this time. Today was the last day I would get to see my best friend before she embarks on her life as a University Student (scary prospect, I know). Not exactly a valid excuse, but it’s the truth. (Not that I told the college that. It was really hard to act ill with her giggling at me.) I mean, what would you do? Spend the day with the greatest friend you don’t even deserve, or listen to the mundane monotony of your elderly teacher? (I hope you’re feeling a sense of deja vu here. If you’re not, then you haven’t read my first post. A curse upon you!) I chose the former, as you know. It just means that Sleep will just have to abandon me. I’m sorry Sleep. It was good while it lasted, those long summer nights, but I need Insomnia now. Please.

still haven’t written up my notes. Yes, I fail. Or I will. I have no excuse but pure laziness. Lazy, lazy, lazy. But in my defence, I was quite tired after work. Perhaps I’ll get an early night and wake up early tomorrow. Five am maybe? Three hours should be enough, right? We’ll see. I sincerely hope no one took my last post too seriously, or, at this rate, I’ll be legless/dead by the end of next week. But hopefully it won’t come to that. Hopefully. Damn you, rota. Come into effect already! (Passing the blame onto inanimate objects is yes, one of my finer qualities.)

I was late to work too, I told them I wanted to come in later and organised someone to cover for me. Two hours of work missed to spend with one of the best people in my life? Totally worth it. (If you pardon the teenage tone to that phrase.)

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with her, except for one lapse in her judgement that will leave me scarred for life. (I know she’s reading this so this is for her: DISGUSTING AND VILE. Trust me reader, you do NOT want to know. I certainly didn’t.) We got up to the usual miscreant deeds: teasing each other and having her steal my phone to post innuendos on my social networks. (I’m never allowed to steal her phone. Is it just me who sees the injustice of that? – That’s for her too.) A bit of Doctor Who to spice things up between us and I said farewell to one of the most important people in my life. I swear, I felt my heart sink as I walked out that door. (Which just goes to show that there are many different types of love, and yet, in the end, it’s all the same.) Neither of us could say a proper goodbye. I’m hoping that’s because it isn’t. I certainly won’t let her get rid of me that easily. I’m worse than super glue! (Or better, depending on your super glue.)

Another thing of note is that I re read my ex friend’s blog for a bit of inspiration. (And because I’m a stupid masochist.) I noticed that his first post held an introduction about him. I didn’t do that. Oops? So, what to do now? Include an introduction, or not? And if so, what on earth do I put in it? All I know is that my life revolves around books. Books and a strive to learn; to grow. Books are my passion, and knowledge my fascination. That’s me in a gist, basically. Oh, and tea. I like tea. Or I say I like tea (because I do), I just don’t drink it as often as I want to. I’m strange. Not that you hadn’t gathered that after three posts.

That introduction certainly doesn’t do his justice, but I’m not him and if you’d like to read his I could lead you there. (It is pretty damn good I’ll admit.)

I was just asked if “ripping someone’s head off” is a criminal offence and whether they could be arrested. (See what I meant about attracting the psychos?) Now, a sane person would have simply asked what was wrong and who this person was/what they had done. But me, oh no, I answered the rhetorical question. Would they be arrested? I doubted it. I told them they’d probably get sectioned. A job well done!

Tomorrow will bring with it a new day (because that wasn’t obvious), a brief and final encounter with the best friend (tear), completed notes (hopefully), a word with Mr Monotone about what I missed in the lesson, and scary meetings with my tutors.

Until then, here’s one to tickle you:

“Behind every successful man, is a surprised woman.” ~ Unknown.

Good night and adieu.

Life’s Games.

My first week as an A2 student went about as smoothly as I expected. That’s to say: not very smoothly at all. The very hitches I expected were the very ones that came to be, only, twice as painful. Alas, that’s the game life plays!

Monday came and went without incident, I received my timetable and enjoyed all three of my lessons consecutively in one afternoon. Tuesday was in fact worse: I didn’t even attend the fourty-five minute class as I was due to be fifteen minutes late and highly doubted it was worth the trouble. Russian History with a monotonous teacher or an afternoon perusing a rather entertaining novel? You already know which one I went for. Not a promising start to the year, however, I’ll admit. I sincerely hope I did not start as I mean to go on or I’m in trouble.

I’d been quite lucky to evade a certain somebody for the former part of the week, but of course, that luck was just not to last. I’d had to speak to a friend I was no longer friends with; a harrowing experience. But someone had to be the decent person. I guess fate put that task in my hands. Thanks, Fate.

The next two days continued with spontaneous encounters with said ex-friend, the last of which accompanied a surge of painful memories, a strange but cruel twist of deja vu and a sense of nauseating nostalgia. (I had to have alliteration there, the opportunity was screaming at me.)

Thursday however, happened to be very productive. I succeeded in planning out my life. I completed a rota for myself where I would put in seven hours worth of study for each of my three subjects: History, Biology and Chemistry. I’m rather proud of that rota. Not that it’s in effect until tomorrow. Well. Supposed to be. We’ll see…

My younger sister is currently playing Dirty Little Secret and I can’t help but to move along to it. What is wrong with me? Now she’s playing something else, though not as entertaining. And my best friend is making strange horse like noises on the end of the phone. There’s something wrong with that woman. Where was I?

Sorry, for the tangent, but be prepared for them in all of my blogs! I have that irksome tendency of losing my train of thought. It’s more chaos than a train, really. And I prefer horse drawn carriages as my method of transport as it is…

Anyway, yes, Thursday, the only other thing of note was that I discussed my personal statement with my tutor. Damn, I still have to do that. Well that was Thursday for you. Now on to my favourite day of the week, as commercial as it is: Friday.

Friday started out badly, (see above about nostalgia), but during the day, I received a pleasant surprise that I was in dire need of! My best friend (currently being silly on the phone- also the one who convinced me to blog, check hers out, she epitomises witty) was in the city centre and wanted to meet me. Nothing could have made me happier. Sometimes, I’d bet she’s psychic.

The plan was a quick Starbucks, but plans never seem to work out when I’m around. Or when she’s around. We’ve never been able to tell, really, and we ended up contemplating Subway and arrived at the bank instead. (n.b The cashier who served us was very nice looking. His name was Adam- Yes, I’d read his badge. I mean, what else are they for?!)

I’m trying to keep this short, but it’s just not working. I’m as bad as my ex-friend. Sigh.

Ah well. We did eventually get a Starbucks: her with her coffeeblergh! And me with my signature hot chocolate and a triple chocolate cupcake. I was in that bad a mood. Then we made heavy light conversation about the complicated intricacies of each others lives and Starbucked our sorrows away. We are officially that cool.

My sister (I have three younger ones by the way) just announced that she’s off for a shower. I needed to know this why?

So that was the weekdays. The weekend has been pretty much par for course. Lazy days. Ugh. I was supposed to organise my college work so I could carry out my rota. It’s Sunday night and Monday in fourteen minutes and I have yet to do so. At least I organised the house a little. Minor consolation.

Maybe I should stay awake tonight and do what I need to do. Insomnia and I are old friends. We could get reacquainted! It’ll help me remain organised at least (staying awake tonight that is, not permanent insomnia). We’ll see. Depends on how much our coca-cola stock has depleted. If it hasn’t yet, it will.

That’s it, really folks. (I’m suddenly reminded of the Looney Tunes.) I wish I had something witty to end this with, but I don’t so I’ll steal something from someone else. I’m a quotes person you see.

“Knowledge without justice ought to be called cunning rather than wisdom.” ~ Plato.

Now I want to discuss that quote. Damn me. But, next time!
And with that, I bid you all, adieu.