Back with a resounding bang.

Oh, why hello there, my dearest readers. I hope this wayward world has been treating you all rather well! It has been a while since my last proper monologue, has it not? I do apologise. Life has taken up the hobby of toying with me recently and my thoughts have been somewhat scattered. (Not exactly the best admission to make when the curtains of exam season have only just closed, but ah well. I was focused during them at least, my brain was buzzing with all the information I tried to embed into it. Time will tell whether I was successful or not!) So, what to tell you all?

Well, firstly, I should probably inform you that this rigmarole of an academic year has come to its end and golly, what a year it has been. Admittedly, I spent the majority of it at home (yes, I am a very bad student, but I did spend some of my time teaching myself! I suppose I should remain alert as I did give you readers permission to shoot me in the leg if I did not conform to my rota – which never happened by the way…) or arguing with/for the people in my life, most of whom, I suspect, I shall sadly not see again. Already, I have stopped my usual contact with the majority of them. Though this was deliberate: I contact, because I care. If they cared, they would contact. And that’s all there is to it. I am rather surprised that I managed to make acquaintances at all, to be honest. When I started this college in the Autumn of 2011 I had planned to remain an introvert; antisocial and remain on my studies. (I hadn’t exactly been in the best frame of mind at the time…) It’s safe to say that that plan crumbled rather quickly. Well, okay, it didn’t exactly crumble. More melted, like a finely baked butterscotch shortcake does when it hits your tongue, (we better have some in the house, because I really want one now. Damn my sweet similies!) Anyway, enough with the sad thoughts! I am, as stated in the previous post, actually rather happy and excited! But more on that later. (I am a horrible tease, I know.)

Exam season came and went without any real consequence. Well, there was one significant event, but I’m not inclined to discuss that online as of yet. It was a relief when they were over, but also a little daunting. These papers would and will determine the course of my life. Ugh, results are within three weeks and I am ever so nervous, but at the same time ludicrously excited! After results, depending on whether I get into University or not, I will have exactly a month in Nottingham before I embark on the true journey of my life. The horse drawn carriage will suddenly be carried by Pegasus and I shall begin anew. At least, one can hope. (Hurry up, Pegasus. I need you more than any Greek hero might.) Ah well, only a month of patience left. Let’s hope it goes quickly. I don’t know. I’m simply very querulous regarding it.

Okay, so, I’d written the above hours ago and was interrupted by a rather onerous interlude. One I did not enjoy, might I add. Ugh. Anyway, happy thoughts, happy thoughts! So, where was I? Ah, yes. Catching you all up.

That’s it as far as academia is concerned. Now I’m just excited at the prospect of University! I’ve sorted my Student Finance and accommodation out. (Finally. Honestly, the incompetence of some people… I mean, I know that’s rude, but surely they should be able to look after the, rather important, paperwork that I send to them. I’d had to fill out everything all over again.) I can’t wait! (Though I can. No. I can’t. Can’t, can’t, can’t! But I can. Shut up.) 

So, now onto the aspects of my social life. Well, thanks to a certain Tortoise who has always shared similar interests, I am now rather intrigued with Warhammer 40k and its lore.  My curiosity will be the death of me and he knows me too well, damn it. It’s just so interesting! The Space Marines and how, well, just darn awesome they are; the efficiency of the Imperial Guard; the ancient and knowledgeable feel of the Eldar (that was how he captured my interest in the first place; I have a thing for beings of wisdom – probably because I aspire, and fail, to be such – and the Eldar also have a subset entitled Harlequin. I always find it interesting to see the different interpretations that arise from that stock character of French Plays.) How compelling Chaos and its Ruinous Powers are, not to mention the complicated intricacies involved. It just fascinates me! I get absurdly excited and I just can’t contain my need to know. I find the mythology of most Universe’s, fictional or otherwise, absolutely alluring. I like the fact that practically everything has a story behind it; tales untold, narratives long lost. It can capture my thoughts for hours on end. I’m even inclined to go into the Games Workshop and learn a little about the game. I’m not as inclined to become an actual gamer, more concerned with learning enough about the game to supplement my knowledge of the lore because I really am quite engrossed! (Thanks, Tortoise.) All the Warhammer aside, I see him often enough and we go off on book hunts, (surrounded by the aroma of both aged and pristine pieces of literature, how else could I possibly want to spend my day? There is nothing more soothing. The familiarity is also quite comforting. Just the a priori knowledge that I will be going home with yet another gem excites me like little else could. – Okay, I am rather easily excited, I get that…) and I do enjoy his company! He’s rather wonderful! (I had to add that last  sentence in case he reads this… [Insert a mischievous wink here.])

The best friend has completed her first year of University and is now preparing for her second, more rigorous one. She has not quite regained (or gained at all, really) her sanity and our Skype conversations still make me blush. She makes me come out with sentences that I remember to be mortified by, hours later. I did see her a few weeks ago during her return to our city, and I had a rather splendid time. Again, we did not want to leave each other and found ways to procrastinate. I decided take her to my favourite book shop! (She ended up flirting with the worker there. Honestly, I can not leave her alone even to squeal at books. In fact, even I am not immune, she just resorts to flirting with me instead…) Even the security man at my local Tesco regularly asks about her and wants her to come and visit him. At Tesco. Whilst on duty. At my Tesco. (Do you all feel my pain? Because if you don’t, you should!) Though, I must admit, it is rather pleasant that I’ve built so many memories around her. I do miss her quite a lot, but hopefully I shall be seeing her soon enough and we can get on with our frolicsome ways!

Fluffy I see rather regularly and she doesn’t have to read this for me to exclaim just how amazing she is. (Neither does the Tortoise but shhhhh, that bit is a secret!) She’s genuinely decent, it always leaves me in awe. We’ve spent the days sitting at a green near her house and it has been somewhat cordial. Like something out of a fairy tale. Even when our giggles fall into silence, it is comfortable. It’s also rather humorous when we’re both exasperated with the situations in our lives because our facial expressions and body language are always the same. We end up casting our exasperation to the wind and fall into fits of mirth. She knows me rather well, to top it all off. Occasionally, it makes me jump and I am left touched to the core. I really am quite fond of her. If I approved of smiley faces in my posts, I would have put one there. And she’s rather crazy which is always fun! Though her insanity pales in comparison to mine! (But surely, you all know that by now.)

My current reading habits are a bit of a disappointment. I’m managing half a chapter a night and only just barely. Of course, it doesn’t exactly help that I’m currently reading two books simultaneously, not to mention started (and forced myself to put down) two others. And then there’s all the links I keep clicking on when it comes to the 40k’s Lexicanum… I am a bad, bad short person. (Though, we went to a Safari Park recently and I was taller than the Penguins there! Take that Penguins of a millennium ago! I’m taller than your descendants so ha!) Ahem. Yes, I’m quite touchy about that, if you hadn’t already guessed. Anyway, it’s not my fault! I keep buying cool books, (my mother’s patience with me is coming to its end…) and venturing into Waterstones to find yet more cool books. (I’m sorry bank balance.) I have a problem, okay?

Well that’s about it dear readers! This post is certainly lacking flow in structure but that may have something to do with the fact that I have taken more than twenty four hours to construct it… I’ve also used ellipses far to often in this post, but ah well. Fill in the blanks I guess. That way you can all make me cooler than I really am. Enjoy that!

“Knowledge is power, guard it well.” ~ Blood Ravens’ battle cry. Rather awesome, wouldn’t you say?

Did you hear that bang? Because yes, I am back! (My sympathies are with you all.)

Until then, I bid thee adieu!

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Convoluted Chaos with a Dash of Serenity.

Why hello there readers! So, I’ve had a leave of absence, but remain assured! I have been writing my more or less biography still. According to WordPress, the following was drafted on the seventh day of this year. So here goes…

“Why, hello there you fine ladies and gentlemen.

How are you all? I do hope the answer is well. I’m a little confused at to what to call this post but we’ll see what I come up with by the end of it. So, I’m writing this at work. Before you deem me a lazy, unreliable sod, I’ve completed all of my tasks and some of my colleagues. There’s quite literally nothing to do until we get some more letters, or the doctor gives me a task to do. (I wish was I referring to the one from Doctor Who but sadly not. Alas, dreams will remain dreams- ooh, possible title.) Of course, you’re probably wondering why I don’t simply depart for my chambers (yes, I occasionally dub my bedroom as my chambers… Victorian girl here, you know.)

Aww, a small child is playing hide and seek with me; it’s rather cute. This line of work really can be rewarding sometimes.

Anyway, I can’t go home yet as there are still patients to send down to the doctor, but other than that, the only thing for me to do is converse with you/construct a monologue. I do have some rather enthralling tales to tell you all. Or maybe I don’t and I’m just so happy with my life everything seems enthralling to me. Maybe I’m in love. Who knows? Certainly not me. Perhaps one of you can enlighten me after reading this post. I might subconsciously include something of consequence.

My mind’s in a bit of a bedlam. It’s with all the mental revision I’m doing. Light independant reactions; Complex ions with their ligands; the calvin cycle; seral stages of succession; optical isomers; zwitter ions; aldehydes; organic molecules and their producuts (I shan’t go into the list though it’s in my head); algor mortis, rigor mortis (you’ve got to love a bit of latin) HIV; electropotential; rusting; oxidation numbers and a range of other biology and chemistry related things. I’m not too bothered about my history. I’ve completed my coursework, and though I admit it’s nowhere near enough to what I’m capable of, at least I have the basic points down. I can focus on the coursework for all of my subjects after my exams. In all honesty though, that’s only one part of the bedlam.”

I’d finished work and I was somewhat knackered. Sleep was very welcome that night.

Drafted: 13/01/2013

“Today was filled with quite a bit of contemplation. As the sun descended behind the visible skyline and the day drew to a close, as the curtains of night plunged the world into a star filled darkness, I sort of saw how fast time flies. These last few years have quite literally whizzed by; a Superman clock if you will. (Clark Kent Clock: there’s a tongue twister to keep me entertained for a few hours.)”

It did…

“Oh, look at that, it’s midnight already. (See what I mean about extra-terrestrial, cape wearing time? Though I’m sure that it must have been quicker for you than it was for me.)

I’ve lost my flow of thought and my mind feels sluggish, huzzah for me, I guess. I really should go to bed, but my mind, because it’s such a damn oxymoron, is brimming with sibilancy despite the sluggishness I feel. Ugh, so I’m just going to rant away until I am satisfied with my infuriating cognizance. I hope I manage to produce an engaging read too, that’d be a plus.

So, events and thoughts since the last time I posted. Well, the new year started off with a bang. Didn’t it for everyone? How could you miss all the fireworks and drunken revelling? Sleep was a blessing that night. My revision remained apathetic. I was partaking in the action, but it was somewhat robotic. The events of the holidays left me somewhat in shock for a week or so, and I just couldn’t decide how I felt about a particular event. Touched, indifferent, hopeful, accepting, I felt all of these through the course of the holidays. I shan’t elaborate because a) I’m an evil little witch and b) I’m unintentionally with intention tailoring my posts for various reasons: one of which is the fact that I don’t want this to turn into too much of a diary. I really should begin to compose one again, so that I can convey my feelings somewhere other than this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I do talk to my friends on occasion, but they just don’t understand why I feel the way I do. And I’ve gotten tired of explaining it over and over again. Surely my sense of loyalty is not that incomprehensible, is it? (Sob. Why oh why was I not born in an earlier century?!)

Exams have arrived and I’m hoping I did well in the Biology one I had this passing Friday. I’m going to be really rather embarrassed if I don’t do well in it. You see, I went into…”

No, I have no idea what I went to. I think I fear to find out. I’d fallen asleep, again. Note to readers, succumbing to the land of slumber in a more or less vertical position, is horrendous for your neck and back. Also terrible for the head when you choose to bang it into your laptop, thanks to the wonderous ways of gravity.

Drafted 16/01/13 This one’s a tad longer and full of turmoil. No, I have no idea what is wrong with me.

“I hope I’ve done well. I think I have but it’s a very loose think. I just don’t know. My attendance was ridiculous, so maybe I’ve failed everything. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to already have a job I guess. Ugh. Why can’t we have the results now? Why can’t I mark my own paper so that I can curse myself for my stupid mistakes, why, oh why, oh why? Other than that, my plan to remain antisocial has more or less crumbled into ash, and that ash has been scattered in the wind, to be found only upon chance. Chance is hardly ever in my favour.

I still have no reply from my UCAS application and as the weeks pass by, I am getting more and more nervous. Waiting is genuinely awful. Remind me never to put anyone through the agony of patience. The only reason patience is a bloody virtue is because the world is nought but a waiting game! The only thing we don’t have to wait for is perhaps our supply of oxygen (that doesn’t apply if you’re underwater by the way, in case anybody decides to take everything I write far too literally, – please don’t – you’ll be a waiting a long time for oxygen down there.)
In other news, I’ve been somewhat quite content these past few weeks, even the Christmas episode made me quite cheerful; I’d gotten my closure. (I’m pretty sure you all know what I’m talking about now, if you’ve been following my blog avidly, if you haven’t, go do that and experience the enlightenment the rest of my readers are! It will heal your soul, you know. Or mine. Whichever.)

I was happy, especially with all the snow! My love for snow is borderline ludicrous. I went out and jumped in it; my old soul wanted to be young again, but that didn’t last long as I had a Chemistry exam to prepare for. Darn it. I hope the snow persists until February. That would be AMAZING. Though I must admit, the octaves my voice surpasses in my excitement will probably enable me to communicate with bats. But SNOWWWWW. It’s so beautiful, picturesque, cold and soft. I love it!

Enough with the snowy sidetrack. (Snow and alliteration in one sentence, oh yes.)

Anywho, I feel like I’m starting to spiral down and I can’t pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me; the crux is unidentifiable. It’s getting rather irksome. Maybe I’m just being stupid. I only feel it for a moment before shrugging it off (I am content- I have no reason not to be), but it’s happening more frequently now. I think it may have something to do with the dilemnas of my friends.

When I care about a person, I get thoroughly involved. Their pain in unendurable for me, I have to find a way of getting rid of it or combust (I have a silly, masochistic way of thinking, I get that). But what do you do when two of your friends want opposite things? I don’t know how to help them and it is quite literally driving me to the brink of insanity. But it’s my own fault for getting so involved. Agh, why do I do this to myself? I’m such a sucker for sweet words towards me. It was the reason I got so attached to my ex-friend, damn it, he had a way with words. And I’m gullible enough to believe all of them, from him, from my other friends, from the cruellest of my family members who even had a hand in ruining my life once; I think some part of me craves for them to be the truth. Just once.
I mean, I did it again recently, two kind words from a person who hurt me deeply enough to change my way of thinking; one apology with a few heartfelt words, and I’ve jumped. I should know by now that it only leads to disappointment. But, but, that’s one of the things I’ve come to learn about myself, my utter lack of resistance to a few kind words. I’m okay with that, it’ll hurt occasionally but I’ll get over it. That isn’t what is bothering me now though.

I think after tomorrow I will be hunting down those ashes and finding a way to make an irreversible reaction, reversible. Monsieur Chatalier better be ready.”

I then tried yet again to finish it off, but I’m not very good at this as I’m sure you all must realise by now.

Drafted 18/02/13

“Results are within the month. (Please, someone kill me now and save me from that apocalyptic day… Am I dead yet? I hope that it is now my zombie conversing with you. This shall be interesting…) My attendance has increased, though I did end up getting a cold (snuffle, snuffle) and now all I have is coursework on my head. Earth, open up and swallow me, thanks.

Academia aside, my social life has blossomed far beyond the stage of a flower and into the fruit. (The butterfly analogy is far too blasé for this case.) No one is more shocked than I. I saw my best friend at the beginning of the year when she’d come back to our city for the holidays (that was quite a rebellious move, actually – a tale for another time!) As ever, it was lovely; whacked and clinically insane, but lovely. I also purchased more books that day! That too nonfiction! There was a sale, how could I possibly resist, pray tell? Do not condemn me so, bank balance!

The rest of the weeks entailed a cunning plan with a certain Fish and his Fishette (I do love my neologisms! I swear that I am normal, usually…) Neither parties knew of my scheming, cough, and things got a little, erm, interesting, there… long story short, I ended up standing on a toilet and using a cubicle wall to pull myself up, (this is why being my height is a curse) to stop myself from kicking down a door and thus further reducing my ever diminishing bank balance… Breathe. I’d never done so much exercise in my life and I shall probably never do as much again! They were driving me insane, something had to be done. Admittedly, things are a lot quieter now. Thank God for that. Silly people. What is it with us humans and having to make something that is actually quite simple, SO DAMN COMPLICATED? And, breathe. Honestly, I’ve spent an entire month screaming at people in my head, because they weren’t around for me to do it in person, I have a lot of scream pent up in my throat. I hope that it isn’t irritated by anyone, or the irritatee shall find themselves without their hearing for a while. [Insert manic grin here.]

In between all of this chaos I’ve spent a lot of time with Fluffy. I’m getting to know her more and more and she really is quite wonderful: highly perverted and crude just to irk me (it works very well), but wonderful. Why is there always a “but” whenever I am complimenting any of my comrades, I wonder?

I also, actually, really, truly, went out with my friends! (It’s a mind boggler, honest.) I graced a pub with my presence for the first time in my life… wearing a headscarf. Not many people who can say that one! (We’d planned originally to go to the cinema but only a few of us had booked tickets for the earlier showing. You don’t want to know what we did with the purchased tickets; we’re probably still being cursed.) I didn’t drink any alcohol, of course. Instead I was rather content with an iced coca-cola, which probably wasn’t very clever considering the fact that I’d already consumed an entire box of ice lollies earlier that day… Anyway, for those of you who have followed my blog from the onset, you’d probably be interested in knowing that we were accompanied by, well, the ex-friend. Dun, dun, dun.”

And that was about it for my attempts at drafting, so now, I’m going to go straight into it.

Results day arrived, and though I wasn’t over the moon, they’re salvageable and and two were exactly what I wanted and more than I needed to get into University. Speaking of University, I’ve received three acceptances so far, still waiting on two! I’ve also looked at a few different courses I could apply for during clearing should I fail everything. My future prospects and academic potential are looking sound either way!

As is rather clear from the above so called drafts, I’ve had a rather tumultuous three months when it comes to my emotions and my loved ones. You’ll be happy to know (yes, I’m assuming) that I am again quite content. The storm of emotions, etcetera has abated. More than anything I miss my best friend. I had a Skype conversation with her last night. We ended up comparing tongue sizes and I found out that pink lemonade is actually a thing. (I genuinely had no idea.) Plus, my birthday present may entail something debauched… I am genuinely frightened. But she’ll be coming back to the city soon so I am rather excited for that!

In other news, my mother will be headed of to Pakistan in two weeks and I am rather sad about that. I know I’ll miss her more than I should be allowed to. We’ll be living with our uncle, (he’s a strict Doctor-type and I do love him) which my younger sister is not really looking forward to, so that’ll be an interesting experience.

So! Me, the socialite! (Yes, I’d be choking in shock too.) I’ve genuinely been quite busy the last few weeks, meeting up with various friends (how am I finding these people, seriously?). One of whom was, yes, the ex-friend, (who will henceforth be known as… I’ll come up with something, Tortoise or Badger most likely.) Others included Fluffy and another two old acquaintances I’m rather glad have returned. Not to mention my birthday (Fluffy baked me my cake!), and the results day get together! (That, I must admit was somewhat amusing, as well as rather enlightening, cleansing and emotional… Golly!)

Anywho, I think that’s about caught you up, yes? Now, quotes, my wonderful quotes.

Well, recently, my love for the genius that is Patrick Rothfuss has rekindled, so I shall hunt him up!

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” ~ Patrick Rothfuss , The Name of the Wind.

Isn’t he wonderrful? And so right.

I bid thee adieu, readers! Hopefully, I shan’t take as long to monologue at you all again!

Until then!